Welcome back to 100 Dates in Houston, a dating blog series chronicling my journey as a woman on a quest to go on 100 dates in Houston, Texas to find the love of my life. If you’re new here, start with my intro post, explaining the details of this challenge. Enjoy!
Let’s pick up where we left off, shall we? I left you all just as I was wrapping up date #25 with Sky Guy. But I wasn’t done – it was time for my second coffee date of the day!
Mr. Femininity
As I sat with Sky Guy, I remained mindful of the time. I’d allotted up to one hour to chat with him before heading off to meet my second date. I didn’t want to be late.
We’ll call date #26, Mr. Femininity. You’ll soon see why!
Mr. Femininity was the second gentleman to catch my attention after my afro-beats winning strategy post. He slid in my DM’s.
“Blessings Kaity. I thought you looked familiar. I read some of your blog and found it interesting. Have you completed the 100 dates?”
I received quite a few DM’s after my Afro-Beats post. While most were clear mismatches, I was compelled to reply to this handsome gentleman. Although he was bald, his photos were attractive. There were no glaring red flags on his Facebook page and he seemed about his business.
Hmm. Let’s see what this one’s about. 🤔 I sent him a reply.
“Oh no. I have a long way to go. I’m about twenty-two dates in.”
“I’m surprised, one due to your intellect and second to your beauty. I’de welcome a date with you” he responded.
That’s how I met Mr. Femininity.
Age ain’t nothing but a number?
After a few days of chatting via DM, Mr. Femininity and I set up a call via messenger. During our DM chats, he’d described himself as ambitious, disciplined, and financially savvy, with a mission of educating people on how to make smart financial moves. Lord knows I needed that in my life.
Just a few minutes into our chat, I’d already crafted one observation — Mr. Femininity presented as a youngin’.
I can’t pin down exactly what it was that gave him away. Maybe it was the pitch of his tone?
Although he still sounded like a man, there wasn’t a ton of base in his voice. Or perhaps it was his energy? He had young man’s energy and sounded like he’d just come inside, hyped and happy after hours of bouncing on a trampoline.
I didn’t assess his youthful nature to be good or bad — I simply noticed it.
“Exactly how old are you?” I asked out of curiosity.
“I’m 32. You?”
😬 Seven years my junior. This was the biggest age gap I’d ever explored.
I told him I was thirty-nine and asked how he felt about it.
Like most men when attracted to a woman, he had no issue with my age. He explained that, if anything, he preferred it. Ladies, forget the podcast ninjas 🥷 and go where you’re celebrated. You can be over thirty-five and still have a fulfilling dating life.
I decided not to make an issue of his age either. There are forty-five-year-old adult infants — I’ve dated a few. And there are twenty-five year-old mature heads of household. The only way to know who’s who is to date them all! Each man shall be vetted based on his own deeds.
After a few days of chatting, I figured our conversation had gone well enough. I had a date lined up with Sky Guy. Why not line up a second coffee date for the day and make this virtual connection real?
Date #26
I wrapped up my date with Sky Guy at 4:00 and took the seven-minute drive to Day 6 Coffee downtown. I had been there once before to meet a colleague. Mr. Femininity made the suggestion and while it wasn’t the best of the best, it had coffee and tables—all we needed.
I sat in my car for about fifteen minutes, knowing I was early for our 4:30 appointment. At about 4:25, I walked into the shop and looked around. There was no sign of my date, so I sat at a table on the outdoor patio.
At 4:30, I checked my DMs and discovered that Mr. Femininity had notified me he would be a bit late, arriving at 4:40. No biggie— I am in no position to judge for lateness.
4:40 rolled around and my date still hadn’t arrived. By then, I had been waiting for about a half hour total. At 4:45, annoyance set in and a few minutes later, I wondered if I was being stood up. It was unusual for a man to run more than ten minutes late for a date with me.
I walked back inside the coffee shop to do a quick lap and make sure I hadn’t somehow missed him. When I discovered the shop was empty, I went back outside to wait. At 4:55, my date message me.
“I’m here.”
Wait, what? I had been sitting right next to the entrance the entire time. How could I have missed him?
“Ok. I’m sitting outside at a table.”
Day 6 is not a large coffee shop. Their patio space is even smaller and has room for about three round tables. I was baffled at how he could’ve missed me as he walked in.
I remained seated, waiting for my date to come find me. After all, he had kept me waiting. Shouldn’t he be the one to go searching?
Another five minutes passed and still no sign of my date.
“?” I sent a message with no words.
Does this negro expect me to get up and go look for him?
I became increasingly agitated.
At 5:00, I opted to stop wasting time, put my ego aside and once again, go look for my date in the coffee shop.
This time, I found him. He was sitting at the bar, sipping on a drink and wearing a man bag. Not only was he over twenty minutes late, Mr. Femininity didn’t feel a need to look for me — nor did he wait for me to order a drink. This date was not off to a good start.
I approached my date.
“You weren’t planning to come look for me?” I asked in what felt like a non-aggressive tone. Perhaps my tone reflected more of my agitation than I realized because Mr. Femininity defended himself.
“I was just sitting down” he replied with a bewildered expression.
I shifted my attention towards the cashier to place my order – a lavender latte, hot with sweet foam. Placing my order, I slowly reached for my wallet while my date stood next to me and watched. I completed my transaction laughing to myself and amused by how the moment was unfolding.
I could already tell this date was heading nowhere. Mr. Femininity had already demonstrated that he lacked the consideration and masculine leadership that I would respect. This would be no more than a polite conversation to pass a little time.
Feminine, Fit and Friendly
As I sat shooting the breeze with Mr. Femininity, it became increasingly obvious that I was speaking to a Red-Pill, Manosphere man. He mentioned how women of today need to be more feminine. He quoted the likes of Kevin Samuels,God rest his soul, who believed that women should be feminine, fit, and friendly. When I asked him to describe a “feminine woman”, Mr. Femininity described ladies with short pixie haircuts like April Mason, as well as locs like mine. Apparently, femininity can be measured through a hairstyle. 😒
My date named confidence as one non-physical defining characteristic of femininity. Yet at the same time, he championed submission and compliance. It was clear this man’s definition of femininity had been spoonfed to him through podcasts and Youtube videos.
The feminist in me took over and I began to challenge him for kicks and giggles.
“Would you want your daughter to grow up only knowing how to be submissive and compliant as she navigates the world? What happens when she encounters manipulators, bullies and predators? Should she not be able to put out her spikes? What about your wife? Do you want her to be submissive and compliant with other men?”
“Feminine energy is the energy of emotions and feelings. It can be chaotic at times – like the ocean. How’s that sound?” Most men push against these aspects of femininity.
As a woman who values the concept of femininity, I was annoyed. Sure, we’re all entitled to our opinions and preferences. Mr. Femininity was entitled to his. But I’ll always be bothered by a man leading a conversation with how he believes women need to be – especially when said opinion is rooted in podcast pedagogy.
To add insult to injury, Mr. Femininity was not a masculine man. According to ancient studies, if he truly wanted to fare well with a very feminine woman, he would need to provide a masculine polarity – a yin to her yang.
Yet for our date, Mr. Femininity arrived late, waited for me to find him, and allowed me to pay for myself. Where was the structure, leadership, and covering? Expecting femininity without provision of structure and care is crazy work.
A “REAL” WOMAN
Although I gave Mr. Femininity a hard time about femininity, in actuality I understand its value to both men and women. I’m simply opposed to men using it to beat women over the heads with their ideologies of womanhood. Most of these men promote a version of femininity that will only serve their own selfish purposes. A soft, compliant woman is much easier than a willful and tenacious one. Yet, when these same men are asked whether their daughters should be taught how to say “no” and defend themselves, the answer will usually be a unanimous “yes”.
Ideally, both parties in a relationship need a healthy dose of feminine AND masculine energy. Women need access to discipline, structure, direction, and ambition, just as much as men need access to compassion, inspiration, and emotions.
One of my favorite leaders in the male empowerment space is Jason Wilson. You’ve likely seen his work on social media. He teaches boys how to navigate life through the use of martial arts. According to Jason, a real man is whatever he needs to be for the occasion – the lion or the lamb, depending on the situation. Here’s a clip of some of his transformational work.
In a similar way, a “real woman” is whatever she needs to be also. She can be soft and nurturing to care for her babies. However, she can also be guarded and stoic to protect them from those with ill-intent. She has the wisdom to know the difference.
And can I stay on my soap box a bit longer to step on some toes? Ladies, in 2024, many of us complain about doing all of the emotional labor in relationships. Many women now refuse to do the work meant for two in order to make up for men who are emotionally stunted.
I hate to say it but what if it goes both ways? 🤔 Perhaps men are tired of doing the work of two, attempting to cover for women who are fiscally stunted. This is not to say that there’s anything wrong with a man being the sole provider of his household if he chooses to be. But if that man pairs with a woman who is fiscally undisciplined, selfish, ignorant, or lazy, he will become drained— just as a woman paired with a man who is selfish, guarded, callous or immature. I’m convinced that women who truly live the “soft life” have still mastered some very hard skills.
Anywho, it grinds my little feminist gears when men believe that they can and should define womanhood. Because how can one define a role he’s never occupied?
The Verdict
Mr. Femininity was not the guy for me. A few days later, when he called me to connect, I let him know we weren’t a fit. This time, I felt no guilt at all.
And so, the journey continues!
What did you think of Mr. Femininity? Drop a comment below and let me know what you thought about our date. As always, if you’re enjoying this content, to tap the “Buy me a coffee” button or share this post with a friend.
Until Next Time!
P.S. Did you know that I wrote a journal? I created The Confidence Project Journal for self-reflective women who love journaling and luxury experiences. The luxury VIP package includes 52 journal prompts, a signature gold pen, a gold metal bookmark, a confidence playlist, and souvenir packaging. Click here to purchase your copy!
Thanks for sharing this Kaity. I loved reading it.
Ahh nah! Not one of these wanna be podcast bros! I wish a warning sign would’ve came with him before you agreed to go on that date! Even though he sucked, it was an entertaining read!