Welcome back to 100 Dates in Houston, a dating blog series chronicling my journey to go on 100 dates in Houston, Texas to find the love of my life. If you’re new here, start with my intro post, explaining the details of this challenge. Today, I share the beginning of what I’m calling my roller coaster summer of dating. Enjoy!

Welcome back, my loves.  After much deliberation, I’m ready to share the next leg of my dating journey.  The next few posts will detail my summer of dating.  Within about three months, I went on a total of seven dates with five men. Spoiler alert: it was a roller coaster – one I have no desire to ride ever again! Stay tuned to find out why. 

Let’s jump into date #28! 

Date #28

We’ll call this date The Nigerian Businessman.  We met on a fun Friday.  Earlier that night, a homegirl and I had attended a Mixer and Elixir event hosted by the Museum of Natural Science. The event was interrupted by a blaring fire alarm, cutting the night short.  Rather than going home and letting our cute outfits go to waste, we opted to stay outside and enjoy the Houston nightlife.  After hopping from spot to spot Downtown, we Ubered to Midtown and made our final stop at Reset Rooftop Bar.  

Towards the end of the night at Reset, as I dodged the numerous older men attempting to carry out long conversations, I met eyes with a taller bearded man who appeared closer to my age.  He stopped me as I passed him while looking for my friend. I promised I would come back to chat once I found her.  

During our conversation on the rooftop, I gathered that this man had his head on straight.  He was flirtatious but respectful — well put together, without being too flashy. I also noticed a slight accent, which I suspected to be Nigerian. When I asked, he confirmed I was correct. 

The Poly Life? 😬

I’m gonna keep it real with y’all. Generalizing is not the move. In the therapy world, we classify it as a cognitive distortion – a thinking error that can be harmful to our psyche.  But to generalize is to be human, and I’m not exempt. Polygamy is a cultural practice in Nigeria, and some Nigerians are still committed to the practice (officially – or NOT) in America.  Of course, some are monogamous, but as a collective, Nigerian men have notorious reputations for entertaining multiple women. A girl has to wonder . . .

I have the experience to support my concern.  Remember the Nigerian Salsero I mentioned in Dry Season? Yep, he was married, yet he asked me out.  To be fair, he hasn’t been the only married man to approach me in Houston.  Remember The Angolan? I later discovered he was also married – separated and working on a divorce, but married and pursuing me nonetheless. In actuality, all kinds of people cheat. I wondered where The Nigerian Businessman would fall among the spectrum of men canoodling with multiple women. 

Aligned or nah?

The Businessman and I had one date – brunch at Postino’s followed by drinks and conversation at M-K-T Houston in The Heights.  Our date was not well-planned, but because he traveled often and would be leaving town for a while, I obliged his impromptu offer to go out a few days after we met.

During our date, I learned he was a divorcee and toddler parent. He worked in tech, and ran a few AirBnBs. He also shared some of his upcoming travel schedule. I gathered he would be away often. 

I like a man with ambition, but I also know how entrepreneurial and highly ambitious men can sometimes be workaholics. Time spent is one of my primary love languages, so I require someone who has time for me. I’ve compromised it in the past and was very unhappy.  

To add to his hectic schedule, I noticed heavy sexual undertones in how The Nigerian communicated with me. As we parted, he looked at me with that lustful look men sometimes do. He wanted to kiss me. I wasn’t ready, so a simple hug would have to suffice. 

The Nigerian remained in touch via text for a month or two following our date. But he was away often. I remained open to communication but felt no real connection. I lost interest when he left my last text message read without a response – and then circled back three weeks later. 😑

Being ignored is one thing I can’t stand. It makes me feel unimportant. (This detail will be relevant in my next few posts.) 

I ignored The Nigerian’s message and moved on. Hey, I tried. 🤷🏾‍♀️ But in all honesty, the cards were stacked against him before we ever started. There were too many points of concern and misalignments to consider overlooking his lack of responsiveness. 

Dates 29-31

I pondered for months about how to share this next date.  As a storyteller, I often struggle with knowing how much is too much to tell. I want to give my readers the rawest and most transparent account of this dating journey; however, when I approach the crossroads of sharing details about the men I date, sometimes the lines become blurry. You see, their stories aren’t mine to tell. Yet, in a butterfly effect of sorts, their stories can impact me in substantial ways and become a part of my journey. 

With all that said, dates 29-31 were super juicy. But for now, I’ll only share what’s necessary to tell my part of our story.

I met date #29 on a random Tuesday night. I was doing what I do most Tuesday nights – tearing up the dance floor at Five Central.  Tuesday night is Latin night, and half of the Houston Latin dance community is guaranteed to be there. 

Halfway through the night, a tan-skinned, bearded man approached me to dance. “Ethnically ambiguous” is how I would describe his phenotype.  His skin was a butterscotch hue, and his eyes were an unusual hazel brown. We’ll call him Light Eyes from now on. 

Besties?

Light Eyes was tall, bald, and in touch with his feminine side. He was so in touch I initially thought he had approached me to be friends. 

Our connection felt so platonic that when he asked about my hobbies, I quickly told him I was a blogger. When he followed up about the subject matter of my blog, without hesitation, I told him about my journey to one hundred dates. While I don’t hide my blog, I don’t typically volunteer information about it upon first meeting a man of interest.  However, Light Eyes felt like a new bestie with whom I could share my dating woes.  He seemed intrigued by the details. 

Our first salsa dance that night felt a bit awkward. Unlike some of the other salsa dancers I’ve written about, I didn’t feel an immediate dance connection with him.  Our timing was off, and our movements felt disjointed, but neither of us was to blame.  As with dating relationships, sometimes the connection is just off.

Fortunately, our awkward dance connection didn’t stop us from chatting it up afterward.  Light Eyes was a talker. He asked if I was a Houston native and how long I had been dancing. We chatted about the dance scene, the different dance schools, and styles.  He enjoyed the fire of salsa, while I preferred the sensuality of bachata.  

Light Eyes seemed to touch on every topic under the sun that night. He asked me about my work, my hobbies, my favorite books, and my favorite authors.  When I mentioned Maya Angelou, he cringed in disapproval. According to him, her autobiography, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, was a bore. 

Blasphemy and balderdash! 

Not only have I read the book several times, but I’ve also read all six autobiographies that followed. I am and always will be a Maya Angelou stan.

Although I disapproved of his literary palate and felt a little bombarded by his never-ending line of questioning, I enjoyed chatting with this guy. He was curious and easy to talk to. Light Eyes seemed well-cultured and could dive deep into art and music. He peppered Spanish words into our conversation since he’d been learning and practicing the language. As an avid Spanglish speaker, I found it amusing and relatable.  Talking to him felt like talking to a long-lost friend.  

Toward the end of the night, Light Eyes casually suggested we exchange Instagram handles. This is common within the salsa community and doesn’t necessarily mean there‘s a romantic interest. I figured Light Eyes wanted to keep in touch and, like most of my dance connections, comment on each other’s dance videos from time to time. I followed him and thought nothing of it. 

After that, I didn’t hear from Light Eyes that week. And honestly, I didn’t expect to.  Remember, he gave me new bestie vibes, so I wasn’t looking for him to set up a date or show me his level of intention.  For once, I was the one “going with the flow.”  

Lovers and Friends?

The following week, Light Eyes invited me to see jazz artist Samara Joy at Miller Outdoor Theater. We had a great time! He bought wine, tumblers and snacks and schooled me on the artist’s career. Light Eyes listened closely and asked questions the way a friend would. The entire time, I genuinely believed the man was trying to be my bestie. 🥴 After what had to be my 5th time saying, “I have a new friend in Houston,” Mr. Light Eyes stopped me. 

“I’m not trying to be your friend. I’m trying to date you.” he corrected me. “Can I take you out?” he took his shot. 

I was initially surprised and a bit conflicted about how I wanted to proceed.  I enjoyed Light Eyes and his company. He seemed to desire companionship genuinely – the same way I do.  BUT could this be a romantic relationship?

Without too much deliberation, I concluded that I would take Light Eyes up on his offer to go on an actual date. Although he gave me best friend vibes, what was there to lose? This is a journey, right? Perhaps romance could blossom? 

Pottery and Picnics

Light Eyes and I had another three dates after that. The first was a class at Fire Gallery, an art studio in the First Ward. Adding an element of suspense to our date, he didn’t disclose what we would be doing. Instead, he provided a single cryptic detail: “Wear something you can get a hole in.”

I was intrigued. I loved the element of surprise, but nah.

I’ma need to know where I’m going, I thought to myself.

 I did some investigating with the address he provided. Among the many businesses linked to it was a pottery and glass-blowing studio.  Bingo – we were going to a pottery class!  

The class was fun and challenging.  I promise y’all, I tried with all my heart, but here’s the best I could do.  👇🏾

And that was with A LOT of help from the instructor … 🥴

A picnic in Buffalo Bayou Park followed our class. Light Eyes, had listened closely to my preferences.  He noted how I enjoyed being outside and active and set up the whole shebang based on what I might appreciate. He took care of everything. From the pottery studio to the Tupperware, wine, and accouterments — all I had to do was show up. 

We spent the next eight hours laughing, talking, and deep diving.  I learned some of Light Eye’s deepest fears and shared some of my strongest desires.  We never even noticed that he’d dropped his keys as we walked the entirety of the park – which led us to walk another mile or two to find them. 

The next date was my idea.  As a therapist, I needed to see the movie Inside Out as soon as it hit the theaters. I invited Mr. Light Eyes to join me at the luxury Ipic Theater in River Oaks. Afterward, we went to dinner, followed by the nearest bar once the restaurant closed. Once the bar closed, we sat in the lifted trunk of his SUV, talking for at least another hour.

Our last date was a trip to The Ensemble Theatre, Houston’s premier Black Theatre company. An Italian dinner followed the show. Of course, Light Eyes had planned it all. I was thoroughly satisfied.  It was how I wanted to be courted.  

But there was one problem. 

Fighting Feelings

Throughout our entire time dating, I’d been trying to ignore the weird feeling that Light Eyes was more of a bestie than a lover. But I simply couldn’t deny my feelings any longer. The final nail in the coffin was when he enthusiastically called me “girl” while caught up in a moment of conversation. In the words of Miss Iyanla, it was time to “call a thing a thing.”

There’s much more to my story with Light Eyes. I believe for the brief month or so we dated, we truly were friends. We shared intimate details about our lives and were vulnerable with each other. I plan to keep those details close to the chest for now, even though Light Eyes concluded he didn’t want to maintain a friendship with me after I released him. It’s the decent thing to do. 

But best believe, when I get my book deal, I’m👏🏾 telling 👏🏾everything 👏🏾!  🙃

I hope y’all stick around to read it. 

I want to hear from you! Drop a comment below and let me know what you thought about my dates with The Nigerian Businessman and Mr. Light Eyes. Don’t forget, if you’re enjoying this content, feel free to tap the “Buy me a coffee” button or share this post with a friend.

Until Next Time!

P.S.  Did you know that I wrote a journal? I created The Confidence Project Journal for self-reflective women who love journaling and luxury experiences. The luxury VIP package includes 52 journal prompts, a signature gold pen, a gold metal bookmark, a confidence playlist, and souvenir packaging.  Click here to purchase your copy!

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