It’s been about a week since my rendezvous with Mr. Hairline in the Wild Wild West. I have to give it to him; there’s been a noticeable improvement. My messages no longer sit delivered, without an answer and he usually texts daily, even if just to say “hello”. As I type this, I recognize it’s no great feat for a man to communicate clearly with a woman he’s courting; however, this was an improvement.
Excited to connect again, I figured I would prompt our next date. Although I was still uncertain about his emotional availability, I enjoyed his presence and sincerely wanted to be around Mr. Hairline. So, rather than playing the game of waiting around and seeing when he would ask me out again, I requested what I wanted — quality time. On a Saturday morning, while texting about our plans for the day, I told Mr. Hairline that I would be spending the morning with some girlfriends and asked if he wanted to get together afterward.
I’m not sure exactly when, or even how it occurs, but there comes a time in every courtship where time spent together shifts from planned dates and “we should do this again sometime” to “What you up to? Want to come over and binge Netflix?” There’s an excitement and an anticipation about being together – even if it means doing nothing more than lying quietly on a hammock, while reading two different books, separate but together. No elaborate plan or itinerary necessary – just the desire to be together.
That’s what I was hoping for when I asked Hairline if he wanted to get together that day. I knew it was a long shot. In our two-month history, he was typically unavailable, but to my surprise, that day he was free.
The Dating Pregame
The morning before my get-together with Mr. Hairline was divine. If you’ve never been to a Korean spa, I’m telling you now – add it to your bucket list. It’s a unique wellness experience that for about $50 for the day, won’t break the bank. That Saturday, my girlfriends and I spent the morning lazing away at Spa World, one of Houston’s two Korean-style spas. Rotating among their eight dry saunas, each with a unique theme and purpose, we sweat out the toxins of the week. After just a few hours, my stress had melted away and I felt so relaxed I could practically levitate as we wrapped up.
A woman’s state of mind beforehand will impact the energy she gives during her time she spent with a man. I’ve come to enjoy the process of preparing myself, mind and body, for the type of experience I want to have when I’m on a date. It’s one way I honor my lover archetype. From now on, we’ll call that process the “pregame.”
Before leaving Spa World, I did a little pregaming. I washed my locs, slathered myself in lotion, and applied a dab of tinted BB cream to even out my complexion. As I stepped into an easy sundress, the signature scent I’d sprayed, Bond Number 9, New York Nights wafted through the air. I felt happy, healthy, and pretty.
a Bougie Black Girl at Trill Burgers
After a morning of wellness and relaxation, one might think that my girlfriends and I would continue our endeavor toward healthy minds and bodies as we planned the rest of our day. Nope! We did away with all of that nonsense the moment we left Spa World. For lunch, rather than anything green and healthy, we decided to have lunch at Trill Burgers – the new fast-food burger joint co-owned by Houston rap legend, Bun B. Hairline would meet us there.
I pulled up to a gridlocked parking lot upon arrival . The line ran out the door of the restaurant and trailed along the side of the building. Trill Burgers had only been open for one week, so really we should have known better. But we weren’t expecting this type of crowd. I parked on a side street and made my way to the entrance, taking the ninety-degree weather and fifty percent humidity in stride.
Here’s where it gets fun.
I’m not ashamed to admit I’m a BBG – a Bougie Black Girl. The lover in me appreciates nice things and finely orchestrated experiences. In fact, I enjoy them so much that I created a little reel series on Instagram, called Bougie Black Girl Experiences. In the series, I share unique and high-quality experiences all over the world. Check out the first installment of the series below.
Being new to Houston, I had no idea what I was agreeing to when my friends said they wanted to try out Trill Burgers. I barely knew who Bun B was, let alone the fact that he had just opened a restaurant. I was simply happy to be along for the ride.
However, when I arrived at the restaurant and saw all the commotion, the BBG in me pitched a fit.
You mean I have to wait OUTSIDE? In this heat? Why is there a security guard at the entrance? What’s going on? How fast is this line moving? These were just a few of the thoughts that crossed my mind. I’m aware that my stream of consciousness can be a lot – I had hella questions.
After waiting OUTSIDE for about twenty minutes and making it to the front of the line, we had to continue our wait inside for another twenty-five minutes. I noted the yellow outdoor picnic tables used as indoor seating throughout the dining room. To add, there were black laminate four-top tables randomly placed among the picnic tables. Some of the self-serve drink machines were empty and a few of the garbage cans were full. Nothing seemed cohesive or intentional. The BBG in me was ready to go.
However, not wanting to be that person, I stayed and gave Trill Burgers a chance. We made it to the front of the line to discover that the fast-food smash burgers we would eventually wait over an hour to experience would set us back eleven bucks. There were no options for lettuce, tomatoes, or any other toppings other than onions (which I hate). I ordered two combos and went over to join my friend at the table she had scoped out for us.
Mr. Hairline arrived shortly after our order number was shouted across the restaurant. The large Black man serving as security would not allow him to bypass the line of people waiting to come in, so I walked out to greet my date.
Mr. Hairline was as handsome as ever. He wore a crisp white tee, fitted jeans, and a pair of Nike Air More Retros. A sleek gold chain and gold Louis Vuitton shades completed the look. His beard sparkled and of course, his hairline was perfect.
The decision to invite my date to meet my friends was somewhat intentional. I’ve learned over the years that the way we date in Western society is really quite backwards. We date in isolation but do life in community. Eventually, the person to whom we commit will need to integrate into our family and circle of friends, so why not have a sense of how that may feel early on? I was curious how Mr. Hairline would interact with people in my circle. Would he be standoffish and cold or warm and engaging?
The man did not disappoint me. He made small talk with my friend and chopped it up about the Houston entertainment scene. We played a cute game of “rate this burger” and all agreed that the OG Trill Burger had earned at least an 8/10 on the scale of fast food burgers. That was Trill Burgers’ one saving grace – my BBG was satisfied with the quality of the food.
We wrapped up at Trill Burgers and said goodbye to my friend who whispered to me as she left , “He IS cute and he does have a nice hairline.”
DIscovery on the green
Hairline and I stood outside, discussing where we would venture for the next part of our date. He wanted to be indoors and escape the heat, but I wanted to find a place with minimal entertainment and stimulation. Although I’m a BBG, I can also be simple to please. Take me outside, next to water with a light-packed lunch and I’m happy. That day, I simply wanted to lay out on a picnic blanket in the shade, take in nature, and talk.
Being a fan of neither the heat, nor the outdoors, Hairline hesitated at my suggestion. However with little coaxing, he eventually agreed to join me on my picnic blanket (the one I keep stashed in my car in case I ever feel a spur-of-the-moment desire to go lay out). We decided to visit Discovery Green, a 12-acre village green in Downtown Houston. I appreciated his willingness to follow along with my shenanigans.
Discovery Green has a bit of everything, including a small lake for kayaking, an event lawn, an amphitheater, a kid’s waterpark, and two restaurants. We found a shaded area on the event lawn and laid out the beautiful gold and black silk blanket that I had purchased on a beach in Thailand a few years back. Looking at the blanket made me happy. Sharing time and space with my date made me happier.
While laid out on the blanket, Hairline told me more about his life vision and family. We smiled as the toddler on a nearby blanket ran up to us and waddled along ecstatically. Then, Hairline and I had a staring contest, which I lost.
“You know eyes are the window to the soul. You can tell exactly what’s going on with a person by looking into their eyes” he said as we stared at one another.
I know – it was all very cheesy, but we were into it.
“Oh really? What are mine saying?”
“That you’re uncomfortable.”
And was! I’ve done staring contests before and can hold my own like a champ. However, for some reason, I was uncomfortable with that level of intimacy at that moment. Looking back, I think I was uneasy because I still did not understand where I stood with Hairline or what he wanted exactly. For me, intimacy and vulnerability come with security.
After our little contest, we went on to speak about music and artists. Hairline invited me to listen to one of his favorite songs – a beautiful R&B tune about vulnerability and the terror of falling in love.
“Never wanted to feel weak in love, give up control
Never wanted to let down my guard, be vulnerable.”
This felt apropos. Was Mr. Hairline trying to tell me something? I continued listening.
“Oh, we don’t need a big audience
Thousand people we never met
Me and you and a couple of friends
And here we are and I must confess”
No, this is about marriage, so it can’t be for me, I thought. Having experienced the pain of falling in (and out of) love numerous times, yet still wanting my own happy ending, I felt a sweat droplet well up in one eye. But I dared not let it fall.
Our moment came to an end when Hairline told me he had an event to attend that night. We wrapped up after just an hour on the green. For once, I wished we could have a date unrestricted by time.
Wrapping up our time together, he put his arm around my waist and walked me out of the park, past the Black Hebrew Israelite group evangelizing on the corner. We arrived at my car parked a few blocks away. This time, our goodbye kiss lingered past two pecks. One. Two. Three. Four – look at us go!
I walked away from date #9 feeling excited and even a bit nervous. After our previous cold spell, sparks of warm, emotional intimacy were beginning to fly again.
Would this hot and cold cycle be our norm or was this the start of something steady and strong?
Make sure you’re subscribed and check back next week to find out! If you’re already a fan of my little dating blog, share this post with a reading group or feel free to tap the “buy me a coffee” button so I can continue investing in this project.
Until Next Time,
Be Blessed!
Kaity
P.S. Did you know that I wrote a journal? I created The Confidence Project Journal for self-reflective women who love journaling and luxury experiences. The luxury VIP package includes 52 journal prompts, a signature gold pen, a gold metal bookmark, a confidence playlist, and souvenir packaging. Click here to purchase your copy!
Thé BBG in me would’ve been EYE-RATE abt that Trill Burger situation too! Everything u described abt that experience is what I don’t enjoy abt Houston. That scenario was screaming “yeah imma head out” 😂
That’s exactly what I wanted to do…head out!
You have such a talent for writing. What wasn’t included in the blog is me leaving due to the overpacked parking lot 😂 My nerves too bad. Speaking of which we need to return to the Spa World. ☺️
You see I almost didn’t make it myself. The whole thing was irking my nerves. lol
Let’s do Gangham Spa this time 😉 Thanks for reading!