I have some major life updates for y’all! Welcome back to 100 Dates in Houston, a dating blog series chronicling my journey as a thirty-something woman on a quest to go on100 dates in Houston, Texas. My goal is to connect with the love of my life. If you’re new here, start with my intro post, explaining the details of this challenge!

Friends, have you missed me?  It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been able to write an update for y’all.  Life has been life-in’ and I suppose I’ve been busier living my life than writing about it! However, I committed to sharing this journey to one hundred, so that’s what I’m gonna do!

A Major Update

So what’s been keeping me so busy? Well, I did a thing!

After years of hoping, trying, and failing, I am now a homeowner!  Investing in real estate has been a goal of mine since grad school – way back when Loriel shared the Rich Dad, Poor Dad book with me. 

While it’s always been a goal, for one reason or another– from being a new business owner to the start of COVID – home ownership has always seemed out of reach for me. However, after one year of living in Houston, I’m finally able to make it happen. 🙂

Still make no mistake, the process of finding my place was not an easy one.  My realtor counted that we saw, not one, not two, but at least twenty-eight homes within three months. 😱

I don’t consider myself picky – that word has such a negative connotation.  However, I am specific. I was pretty clear on what I wanted – or so I thought.  When I started my search, my list of must-haves included natural light and a bathtub within a safe neighborhood in Houston proper.  

However, as my search continued, I uncovered new preferences and non-negotiables I hadn’t realized before.  A garage wasn’t on my radar until I encountered a near-perfect home without one. Once I began to think about Texas summers and how cars tend to practically melt in the 110-degree plus heat, a garage became a must-have.

Then came another high contender.  It was a beautiful three-story townhouse, with a huge master bedroom and a bright open floor plan.  Yet with an HOA fee of almost $500 a month, it was hard to resolve not having a pool or gym similar to what I’d become accustomed in The Woodlands.  How exactly would my $500 be put to use?  If I would be paying an HOA fee, I wanted some feel of an extra amenity.  A pool was then added to my list.  

With each viewing, I got clearer on what I wanted. Are you seeing where I’m going? 🤔

A Familiar Narrative

With my lease expiring and time running out, a familiar thought began to emerge around house number twenty.

Maybe I’m just too picky and won’t ever find a place that works for me, I thought to myself. 

I wondered why no house seemed to feel right and questioned if maybe I should just pick something.  

Imagine that.  This would be one of the biggest investments of my life and yet I considered just picking something to get the job done.

At that point, I called my friend Becca (from my Almost Doesn’t Count post) to get her perspective. I had watched her go through the process of buying a home as a single woman a few years before.  She would understand.  And home ownership aside, Becca just gets me.  We all need those friends who get us. ❤️

Becca gave me the advice I knew deep down but needed to hear again.

“You’ll know it when you see it.”

We talked about how some places seemed to check the boxes but had weird layouts and just felt off.  Others felt completely wrong and also failed to meet my non-negotiables.  Some were major fixer-uppers with good bones but required too much work. 

“The place for you will feel right.  If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not your place.”

And Becca was right.

The One

My townhouse came on the market on a Friday.  I sent the listing to my realtor, toured the home, and made an offer within less than twenty-four hours. There was no doubt in my mind (beyond occasional moments of existential panic about taking on a mortgage… alone… as a solo-preneur 😬). Not only did it check off all my boxes, but it also felt right.  It has a balcony, a pool, and natural light. It’s even on a corner lot.  I’m happy with my little starter home.  

As I reflect on my house-hunting journey, I can’t help but compare it to my dating journey. There were undoubtedly a few parallels.

1. Finding “the one” can require volume – especially if you’re specific, like me. How realistic is it to expect one of your first few dates back on the dating market to be “the one”?  No more realistic for me than expecting one of my first few houses to be “the one”. Sure, it happens, but it’s rare
2. You grow as you go! The more houses I saw, the easier it became to weed out those that wouldn’t work. Towards the end, we didn’t even bother to view a house if it didn’t check certain boxes, despite having compelling photos. In dating, I’ve noticed a similar trend. I can more quickly assess who will and won’t be a fit — compelling photos and all 🙃. 
3.  You may learn about yourself in the process. The more homes I visited, the clearer I became on my specific needs and non-negotiables. The time spent helped me become clearer.  Some dating experts say dating is as much about learning yourself as it is about learning your dates. With the right mindset, more dates can lead to more clarity.
4. With the right support team, you will find “the one”! I’m embarrassed to say that in the past, I’ve had realtors quit on me. 🫣So, this time around, I was nervous that my realtor would become sicka me! However, Gleshia Joyner of Keller Williams is a gem.  She patiently educated me on the Houston area and was a ray of sunshine, as well as a treasure trove of resources.  And guess who was my loan officer? 👀 Blasian Bae! I’ve spoken with many officers over the years, and he was hands down the most thorough. He took time to educate me on my options and what to expect in every step in the process. It pays to keep good men in your life.  My team got me to where I wanted to be, much in the way that a support system of happily married or successfully dating friends and advisors are supporting me in my dating journey. They are positive, well-informed, and want to see me win!

So now, in addition to writing, dating, dancing, and having big fun, my weekends are filled with a never-ending list of homeowner projects. 

I can only hope that if I keep going, “the one” will come along for life, just as it came along for my house.

Date #28? 👀

Update #2

My second update is juicer than the first.  Ready for it!?

I almost found myself in a relationship, y’all! 😱

You read it right– almost. 

I won’t say who, but one of the men from dates 1-22 resurfaced on Valentines Day this year and asked me to consider giving things a second shot. 

For about a month, I was caught up and seriously considered the possibility of committing.  However, for more reasons than one — some of which I had already contemplated the first time around – I chose not to move forward.  Although it seems to have fared well for Nelly and Ashanti, for me, spinning the block has never worked out. 🥴

Of course, I went through my typical cycle of emotions after ending meaningful connections – sadness, confusion, and the like — but I never stay down for long.  I’ve become quite a warrior – emotionally speaking at least.

Through that experience, I have more evidence that I can trust myself to make wise decisions.  My heart wanted to move forward, but my mind was not at ease.  As I mentioned in previous posts, wisdom resides where the head and heart unite.  Both are import. Wisdom told me the Mystery Man was not my guy. 

I would love to say more, because believe me, there’s MUCH more, but then what would I have left for the 100 dates memoir? 🙃

Date #22

With all of that said, what happened to date #22, Mr. Black Power? He’d been my first coffee date and won me over with his pro-Blackness, his knowledge of attachment styles and his advocacy of therapy. 

About a week after our first date, we met again for dinner at the Front Porch Pub for their weekly steak night special. When I arrived at the restaurant, he helped situate me with parking.  There’s something special about a man taking care of me in that way. In a world of men who will sit down and start sipping drinks before you arrive, this gesture stands out.  

During our dinner, Mr. Black Power talked.  Similar to The Comedian, he talked and talked and talked.

😬 But unlike The Comedian, Mr. Black Power shared more personal information than facts and concepts. He shared about his dating history and family trauma. As he talked, I had little opportunity to share about myself or throw in the witty flirtation that I enjoy. It felt difficult to connect.  

Looking back, I may have missed the opportunity to soothe his nerves and connect through the use of touch and feminine charm. 🤔 It’s worth a shot for next time!   

At the end of our date, Mr. Black Power reached underneath the table, pulled out a bouquet, and gifted me with flowers. It’s been YEARS since a man’s brought me flowers on a date.  He also made sure I returned home safely that evening –so incredibly sweet. 

The Conclusion

I would love to tell you that Mr. Black Power and I made it to a third date, but truthfully the reemergence of my Mystery Man made it difficult to entertain any other prospects at the time. He was applying pressure in all the right ways and I knew I needed to focus and make a decision – one way or the other. 

I was honest with Mr. Black Power about my attention being elsewhere. Of course he was disappointed, but gracious and appreciative of my honesty.  We agreed it would be nice to try and remain as friends.

There are good men in Houston. 

But unfortunately, not every good man is your man…

Back to the Vault

I’m sure some of you may be questioning my decision to stop dating Mr. Black Power. He was thoughtful, smart and kind. However, I’ve made peace with the fact that this journey will not always be perfect, nor will it make perfect sense to everyone. 

And beyond my Mystery Man’s interference, there are a few sound reasons I made the decision I did concerning Mr. Black Power. But for now, I’ll keep those close to the chest. 

Somewhere along the way, have you encountered a good guy that was not your guy? Have you considered settling in your search for “the one”? Let’s be honest with each other. I want to hear from you in the comments! Also, if you’re still enjoying this content, don’t forget to tap the “Buy Me a Coffee” button. I just bought a house — I need all the help I can get 🙃!