Are we ready to talk about black elitism? 

The background: Attorney and media personality, Eboni K Williams, was asked by spiritual advisor and life coach, Iyanla Vanzant, if she would date a bus driver. Her reply was “if he owns the bus.” 

She received backlash for that statement on social media and later responded with the following message:

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As a self-identified womanist, my issue is not with Eboni’s initial statement of her preference (which, unlike many men today, she offered only when asked). We are all permitted to want what we want and need what we need. I do, however, take issue with her rebuttal. “Mediocrity is not ok.” “Average is not good enough”. It’s wreaking of disgust, elitism, and typical functions of white supremacy and capitalism that go unnoticed in the black community in the name of progress.

Our ties to elitism stretch way back to the British monarchy. As much as we want to believe that their antiquated practices, pomp and circumstance don’t impact us, they have actually influenced us in a grand way: our values system. Despite ordinary people challenges like illness, family rifts, and affairs, these regular-in-every -way-besides-wealth folks believe that they are the chosen few.   A simple study into the history of the family (or a quick viewing of The Crown on Netflix) will uncover how the royal family has always looked down upon non-royals, people of color and those who lack pedigree, education or refinement. This is the very elitism that manifested the colonization of the globe. It is the foundation of white supremacy. “We are better. Our way is better. We are coming into your space to make it more like ours.” Through colonization, slavery, and other forms of oppression, those same ideals and values have been assimilated into the black community and the sad part is that we don’t even realize it. The more “proper”, respectable, refined, or wealthy we are, the better we are.

So yes, I take issue with Eboni’s notion that a black person should not be ok with being average. It’s problematic and conveys the message that unless one is elite, one is “not good enough” and has   failed in life.

I see the implications of elitism all the time in my practice. Depression. Shame. Anxiety. . . all because of an elusive bar of black excellence. Hardworking, intelligent people feel that they have failed because they have yet to meet the Black American bar of excellence and are embodying their worst fear: mediocrity.

The fact of the matter is that the average person is . . . average – and that’s ok.

And what does “average” even mean? In America, average income reports range from 53k-97k, depending on which reporting bureau you investigate. The bar Eboni references is elusive at best.

Now, make no mistakes. Money is power. The more the better. And power is security. If black people want to secure ourselves, we need both power and security. However, one cannot dismantle a system, while also operating under the same values and rules that uphold the system. We cannot   fight white supremacy, while simultaneously upholding values like elitism and capitalism. We will implode. Unless ALL black people (average, elite, bus drivers, and bus owners) are valued and seen by ALL black people, we will fail. 

So, sis, have your preference. Seek excellence. Date who you want to date. But be aware. Elitism, capitalism, and white supremacy have shaped your values and it’s ugly. Let’s understand the enemy (white supremacist systems). We can even play by his rules. But we cannot adopt those rules. We will lose every time.