Welcome back to 100 Dates in Houston, a dating blog series chronicling my journey as a woman on a quest to go on 100 dates in Houston, Texas to find the love of my life. If you’re new here, start with my intro post, explaining the details of this challenge. Today I touch on how to make wise decisions. I hope you enjoy!
Date #26, Mr. Femininity has ruled himself out and I’m ready to move on to my next date with Sky Guy. Here’s how it all unfolds . . .
FEELING SEEN
After our coffee date at Brass Tacks, Sky Guy and I chatted via DM. I learned that he was a thoughtful and observant man. During one of our conversations, without prompting, he began to share what he appreciated about me. I read his answers closely.
Sky Guy recounted how he enjoyed seeing my mind in action.
“You are fundamentally meaningful and substantive.”
If you know me, you know I don’t enjoy small talk. I would much rather take a deep dive than wade in the shallow waters of favorite colors and preferred cuisine. No. Tell me what it feels like to fall in love. How can the Black family thrive in the US? What’s your biggest fear?
My date had noticed how my mind worked and I felt seen.
Much can be revealed when a man says what he appreciates about a woman. It can uncover whether he truly values her as a woman or simply benefits from the work she does for him. It unveils whether he sees her unique spirit or simply what lies on the surface. “I love how you support me” differs greatly from “I love your tenacious spirit.” One can be fulfilled by any woman willing to do the job. The other describes a unique essence.
As I work with couples trying to save their relationships, one of the questions I ask during the assessment phase is “Out of all the people in the world, what was it about your partner that made you want to marry them?” The answer to this question can begin to reveal the fate of the couple. There are tons of beautiful women and loads of wealthy men out there, but these aren’t the qualities that foster commitment. Commitment is fostered when we cherish our partners because we know how uniquely made for us they are. That cherishing of one another helps couples do the work and hold on through the rough times.
I didn’t take it for granted that Sky Guy noticed and named qualities unique to me.
A Trip to Outer Space
As we continued getting to know one another, Sky Guy began setting the stage for date #27. He proposed we take a visit to The Infinite, a virtual reality immersive experience touring The International Space Station.
If left to my own devices, I would’ve never selected this kind of date. I know nothing of virtual reality and the notion of floating around in space makes me slightly anxious. Remember those two astronauts who recently went into space for a short mission and are now stuck up there for the next six months? Nope. Nope. And Nope! Couldn’t be me!
Unlike Sky Guy, space is not my thing. However, my interest was piqued by the idea of doing something unique and completely outside my norm. I kept an open mind and accepted his invitation.
On the day of our date, once again my date arrived early. By the time I arrived, there was no parking near the entrance of the building, so Sky Guy moved his car giving me his spot. He parked in an available space further out in the lot and walked the distance in the heat while I waited. It was a simple demonstration of masculine covering.
We entered the building, signed waivers, and lined up to enter the exhibit. While we waited, Sky Guy explained to me the large exhibits displayed on the wall. I love learning, so I can appreciate when a man can teach me things.
The doors to the exhibit opened revealing a stark white light. It felt like walking into another dimension. A few meters in, we stopped in a dark room with metal closures. A computerized voice, much like Siri or Alexa, sounded over a speaker. She prepared us for what to expect, while lights and digital images danced around the small enclosed space. A rush of anxiety raced through my body.
Most people don’t know I have a touch of claustrophobia. Back when I was seven years old, one day while waiting for my mom to pick me up from the public library after school, I got stuck in an elevator all alone. It was probably just a few minutes, but being a small child and alone, it felt like hours. Since that day, I have tried to avoid elevators and small enclosed spaces whenever I can.
I’m not sure if Sky Guy noticed my nervousness or was just being thoughtful, but shortly after the doors to the room closed, he checked in and asked if I was ok. I nodded I was fine. I’ve learned that responding to these moments with a few slow breaths and resisting any impulse to escape usually does the trick.
After a few minutes, we progressed to the next phase of the exhibit where we were given our virtual reality goggles. Following a brief tutorial, I placed the goggles on my face. A yellow figure appeared to my left. It was Sky Guy. His body would appear on the screen as yellow, while other visitors in my group were green.
This was all new territory. I had never used virtual reality goggles before and was a bit disoriented. I focused hard trying not to bump into a wall — or a person! This must’ve been why they made us sign safety waivers. As we chatted and fiddled about trying to find our way to the first checkpoint, Sky Guy took my hand to offer assistance. He held on for the entire exhibit.
Soon, I gained my bearings and learned how to sync my movements with the images on the screen. We moved about, exploring the space station and learning how astronauts function in zero gravity. Occasionally, we would step out into open space. I can still envision the feeling of being surrounded by twinkling lights while Sky Guy pointed out the constellations. I had to give him credit –it was a dope experience.
Gen Korean BBQ
We wrapped up our trip to the Infinite and decided to extend our date to part two. Neither of us had eaten and we were both famished, so we agreed to sit for brunch.
If you know Houston, you know reservations are nearly the only way to ensure you’ll actually have a brunch to enjoy on a Sunday. Unfortunately, we had none. After two failed attempts at other restaurants, I suggested Gen Korean BBQ House – the same place I had visited with The Comedian.
During dinner, Sky Guy and I learned more about each other. I shared with him my considerations of going back to school for a PhD. Guess what I want to research, y’all – dating!
This journey to one hundred is making me an expert through the personal lens, so why not throw in the professional credentials as well? I shared with Sky Guy my dreams of researching dating practices that lead to successful marriages and then educating the community on my findings. Dating as a practice is only about one hundred years old. As a society, we’ve been winging it and most of us have no idea what we’re doing! A learned man himself, my date listened to my theories and encouraged me to go all the way.
For the rest of dinner, there were the occasional moments of awkward silence. I wasn’t sure how to respond as Sky Guy and I made eye contact. Fortunately, the silent moments didn’t last long before we filled the space with conversation.
Sweet Paris
As we finished up dinner, Sky Guy suggested we have dessert at Sweet Paris, a creperie in Rice Village. Crepes happen to be one of my favorite desserts – of course I said yes!
Although I’m big on the idea of courting and expect my date to cover the expenses during the early phases of dating, I’m not a selfish woman. I figure if a man has spent money on a nice meal or fun experience, the least I can do is cover a ten-dollar dessert. It’s my little gesture of good faith to let my dates know I’m a team player and appreciate them. Most men are surprised and grateful when I offer. I paid for our crepes and we sat down to enjoy our final meal of the day.
Over dessert, Sky Guy opened up a bit and shared some vulnerable details about his life. Our conversation helped me understand him better, as well as his decision to remain abstinent. I don’t take it for granted that he felt safe enough to share those details with me, so I’ll keep them close to the chest for now.
The verdict
Over the course of the next few days, I pondered how I felt about Sky Guy. He met all of my deal breakers. He was childfree, a man of faith, and valued going to therapy. I also learned on our dates that he was a thoughtful man who paid close attention to me. However, can y’all sense a “but” coming?
Intellectually, Sky Guy made sense. But, remember “wise mind”? I mentioned this concept in my I Found the One post. Wise decisions are made at the intersection of logic AND emotions. Both are important.
The best decisions are made at the meeting of the mind AND the heart. When only one is present, we sell ourselves short. Imagine marrying a partner for whom you have no feelings, simply because they make practical sense? As with arranged marriages, maybe love will come…but maybe it won’t. 😬 Conversely, imagine marrying a partner with whom you’re madly in love, but also has a laundry list of red flags and incompatibilities. Neither will be secure.
I believe my God can match me with a husband who puts both my heart AND my mind at ease. Unfortunately, my heart was not drawn to Sky Guy. I just couldn’t feel the spark I needed — the “je ne se quoi” that pulls two people together.
When Sky Guy reached out via DM to set up our next date, it took me a bit to respond. Remember this is always the hard part for me. I hate disappointing good men. And I can easily throw myself down a rabbit hole of wondering if I’m part of the reason why nice guys believe they finish last.
But I had to be honest. It would serve neither of us if I proceeded without being true to my feelings. I explained to my date that I didn’t feel a romantic connection, but would love to remain friends if he was willing. A girl can never have too many good guys in her life.
Where did I go wrong?
Sky Guy replied that he felt as if he had failed. 😩 And for that, I felt terrible. Despite his feelings, Sky Guy was willing to remain friends. In fact, a few days later, he sent me a DM requesting to get together in person for a brief talk. I wasn’t sure, but I had a feeling I knew where the conversation might be heading. I obliged his request and we met for dessert one Sunday afternoon.
Just as I suspected, Sky Guy wanted to know more about why I had passed on a romantic relationship. 😬 I realized he wasn’t owed those details – and for many of my dates, I wouldn’t have agreed to such a request. However, this time around I felt compelled to provide that clarity.
We sat for over an hour chatting about relationships, our histories, and what draws two people together. I was honest with Sky Guy and even shared how his age was a part of what may have impacted my feelings.
I don’t regret that conversation. To this day, Sky Guy and I remain friendly. I can call on him any time I need him.
Once again, I’ll be making my way back to the dating train. 🚂 Let’s see where this journey takes me next!
What did you think about my time with Sky Guy? Have you ever released a good man because you didn’t feel the “spark”? Drop a comment below and let me know what you thought about our date. As always, if you’re enjoying this content, feel free to tap the “Buy me a coffee” button or share this post with a friend.
Until Next Time!
P.S. Did you know that I wrote a journal? I created The Confidence Project Journal for self-reflective women who love journaling and luxury experiences. The luxury VIP package includes 52 journal prompts, a signature gold pen, a gold metal bookmark, a confidence playlist, and souvenir packaging. Click here to purchase your copy!
Aww man. I’m sad you had to release him. Do you feel you gave enough time to see if the romantic spark would come? If you feel you did, I respect for being true to yourself.
Thank you for sharing this. I recently dated a man that simply mentally brilliant and had a huge heart and treated me amazing, however I did not feel attracted to him physically. I felt something wasn’t quite right but i could not figure it out. I doubted my own discernment.. but I realized he was emotionally immature and had experienced a lot of hurt and rejection so he was always trying to be perfect for me and found his value in what I thought of him. I realized that became a heavy burden for me.. I commend you for valuing this man enough to share with him why there wasn’t a spake and that he was able to see the value of remaining friends.
“It can uncover whether he truly values her as a woman or simply benefits from the work she does for him…One can be fulfilled by any woman willing to do the job. The other describes a unique essence.”
THIS ☝️ 🔥
It’s the giving up parking for me 🥰
You do have a beautiful worthy of being valued
Yes! You serve the God of AND!! Head AND heart. Makes logic sense AND all the chemistry!
I love the virtual reality date idea. Sounds fun!