Welcome back to my little dating blog! It’s been 2.5 months since I moved to Houston and I’ve been on 9 dates total. Much has happened in the past 3 weeks since my last date at Discovery Green. Yet at the same time, nothing has happened at all.
Remember on our last date, I had begun to feel the spark of emotional connection with Hairline? After the date, giddy with excitement, I called my sister, Rachel, to get my head together. One nugget I took away from coaching was the value of forming a team of trusted advisors for support on your dating journey. Rachel holds the role of “the challenger” on my team. She’s my childhood friend and one of the most level-headed, strategic, and intelligent women I know. A while back, I sent her the same feminine archetypes quiz that I recommended in part 2 of this series. Rachel joins the likes of Martha Stewart, Oprah Winfrey, Amul Clooney, and Jackie Kennedy as a Sage woman. These women are led by logic, wisdom, and strategy.
The sage is my secondary archetype and makes a powerful pairing with my dominant lover archetype. Essentially, I’m able to both think and feel deeply. However, as a dominant lover, leading with passion comes more naturally to me. I knew Rachel would offer the strategy I needed to get clear.
After our phone call, I came equipped with three focus areas I would want to discuss with Hairline. I was ready to explore real questions about values and lifestyle and wanted to see how the rubber would meet the road.
Little did I know, it would be almost a month before I saw him again.
During that period, I would try to connect with Hairline in different ways. One night, as I sat writing at my computer, I sent a video recording of my computer screen playing the song he had shared with me at Discovery Green. Another day, while strolling the aisles of Dollar General, I saw a box of LemonHeads and remembered he’d told me that his favorite candy was anything sour. So, I grabbed a box for him. After having the box for a few weeks and being unable to delay the gratification of giving a thoughtful gift, I eventually just sent him a picture of the box. I told him it had been waiting for our next date.
Hairline left to travel for work for a week and returned to Houston that Friday with plans to fly out again on Saturday for a party in LA that weekend. While he changed his mind about the party and decided to stay in Houston, we did not see each other that weekend. The following weekend, he would be out of town again for a guys’ trip. It was becoming apparent that he just didn’t have the space in his life to build the type of connection that I wanted.
As Hairline did all of his traveling, I went on living my life salsa dancing, writing, spending time with my godchildren, and enjoying my time in Houston. I also met quite a few other men.
The Nigerian Salsero
There was the Nigerian Salsero. He had asked for my number at a Salsa Boat Party in League City hosted by Latin Dance Factory. A man who loves Latin dance is on my list of “nice to haves”, so while on the boat I wondered if he might be a potential match. He expressed interest in the nomad life so it appeared we shared the value of adventure. He was also well-educated and an intellectual. However, the Nigerian Salsero quickly eliminated himself with one simple question. Something prompted me to ask if he was single before sharing my number. He informed me that he had a wife back in Nigeria and was “working on” a divorce. As my sister, Marvelyn would say, “Goodnight and God bless, sir.” 😒
The Lumberjack
Next, there was The Lumberjack. One day, while sitting at Starbucks writing, a few chairs over, I noticed a tall White man wearing all black and donning several tattoos. He looked strong and had a beard like that of a lumberjack. There was a little edge about this man that I liked. If I were to date a white guy, this might be the type.
I sat and wondered if I should make the first move but ironically, the Lumberjack approached me first. He asked me to watch his things while he ran to his car. When he returned, we made small talk. I complimented his physique and asked if he worked out. He laughed and told me that he had been training for a strong-man competition. You know the ones on TV where big, burly men lift boulders and pull freight with their bodies? The Lumberjack felt like a man’s man. He asked for my number before leaving. But he never called.
There were also the countless men who had messaged me on Match. I estimate about seventy messages from men who had seen my profile, plus the endless carousel of profiles I had swiped through. I made nine matches. Only two of them led to an exchange of contact outside the app and none of them had led to a first date. NONE!
Bald Salsa Bae
Finally, there was Bald Salsa Bae. I met him one Tuesday night when Five Central hosted their weekly Latin Night. By now, y’all should know a bald head isn’t even my thing. But for this handsome Black man, I would gladly make an exception.
Bald Salsa Bae stood at about 6’2’’ – my perfect height for a dance partner. As we danced bachata, I could tell this man spent a lot of time in the gym. You see, bachata can be a highly sensual dance. Newer styles of the dance, adopted by Europeans require that partners dance close with synchronous body rolls, booty rolls, and other movements in which the male lead must literally put his partner’s body where he would like it. As Bald Salsa Bae put me in position, I could feel his muscles through his shirt. They were just enough to notice, yet not enough to be over the top.
Did I mention his scent was absolutely dreamy? I have no idea how it could be possible to be drenched in sweat – as many dancers are after a while of serious dancing – and still smell like fresh laundry. Somehow, Bald Salsa Bae had pulled it off.
Similar to romantic chemistry that doesn’t happen often, dance chemistry is a thing that you don’t come across every day – and I had it with Bald Salsa Bae. Our dance connection was easy, even though I am still considered a beginner and struggle to keep up, while he started dancing in 2015. During slower songs, he would pull me close, caress my shoulders, and grab my waist like we had known one another for years – and I let him. That level of comfort is rare – at least for me.
I once heard a female dancer friend say that her male dance partner could get a woman pregnant just by dancing with her. That’s what it was like to dance with Bald Salsa Bae.
The first night we met at Five Central we chatted in between bachata booty rolls and body leans. He offered to buy me a drink and I lingered around a little longer that night, hoping Salsa Bae would ask for my number. But he never did. I decided that if I ever came across him again in the salsa scene, I would be an empowered, independent woman of 2023 and ask him for his number.
As fate would have it, the following Friday, we ran into each other at the Palladium Dance and Event Center during their weekly Havana Nights dance social. He walked in and came straight over to ask me to dance. I was pleasantly surprised to see him and relieved that I had worn one of my hottest dresses that evening – the same spicy leopard print number I had worn with The Beard for Date Number 5.
After a few dances, I conferred with my single girlfriend chat. This group of four women has been my lifeline for the past three years of dating. We met in 2020 while working with one of my dating coaches. I joke that I spent $4000 to call them friends.
I carried on about Bald Salsa Bae, his muscles, and sweet-smelling sweat and then asked them how to ask for his number. It’s so funny how we tend to overcomplicate things when our emotions are involved. Imagine me, a whole therapist, writer, and speaker, struggling with the words to ask a boy for his number.
“I enjoyed our dance. We should exchange numbers so we can do it again sometime” I suggested, nervous and probably sounding “scary” as they say in the South.
Bald Salsa Bae obliged my request and we spent the rest of the evening rotating other dancers, yet always finding our way back to one another. It was the perfect balance of freedom, paired with a steady partnership.
A few days later, I had not heard from Salsa Bae, so I went back to consult with the group chat. The consensus was that I reach out to him and say hello. To me, this felt like a stretch, since I had been the one to ask for his number. But hey, what did I have to lose? I’m not into chasing men, but the group convinced me that two actions initiated by me did not equal “chasing.”
I texted Salsa Bae and we had a wonderful conversation about nomading and dancing. He wanted to work remotely and travel, just as I had! It was like someone had pushed the “girl mode” button in my brain and I immediately started fantasizing what it might be like to travel the world with my dancing husband and partner. Ladies, why are we like this? We have two good exchanges with a man and automatically start planning the wedding.
Take a look at live footage of me during that conversation with Bald Salsa Bae. 👇🏾
Bald Salsa Bae and I have met up to go dancing a few times since exchanging numbers; however, despite my flirting and signal-throwing, he’s never asked me on a date. Oh well. I suppose I’ll have to put him in the “salsa boyfriend” file, along with a few other men I’ve met along the way who make good dance partners, friends, and nothing more — such a tragic waste of good chemistry.
So yeah, it’s dry season over here at 100 Dates in Houston. Hairline has been the lone suitor, and he’s not exactly suiting.
Make sure you’re subscribed and check back next week to find out if I work my way out of dry season! If you’re already a fan of my little dating blog, I would love if you linked this blog on your social media with the caption below (in your own words of course). “I’ve been reading the100 Dates in Houston blog and I’m a fan! The author is a black woman and therapist. If you’re single and dating, a psychology buff, or just a fan of chic lit and romance, check it out.”
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Until Next Time,
Be Blessed!
Kaity
P.S. Did you know that I wrote a journal? I created The Confidence Project Journal for self-reflective women who love journaling and luxury experiences. The luxury VIP package includes 52 journal prompts, a signature gold pen, a gold metal bookmark, a confidence playlist, and souvenir packaging. Click here to purchase your copy!
Ahhh I love it. So thankful for our group chat all these years later. What a life saver 💕 I’m enjoying the blog.