Date #7 in Houston was scheduled to take place the week following my rendezvous at Hearsay on the Waterway with Mr. Hairline. We had texted a bit throughout the day; however by 11 p.m. the night before our date, we still had not discussed our plans. There were no details on the location or time…Nothing!
Now, I could’ve inquired sooner and taken the lead in making sure plans were developed; however, I wanted Hairline to meet me in the middle and show his enthusiasm. I often teeter on the lines of womanhood and gender roles, swinging between traditional and modern depending on the issue at hand. l’ll gladly fix a plate — as long as you don’t tell me I have to. I will gladly follow — as long as I trust that you value my insight.
All of that said, I believe women invite and inspire, while men pursue the romantic relationships they desire. A woman chasing a man for his time, attention, and validation never pans out well. Even in 2023, a relationship can’t progress faster than the man desires. I feel so strongly about this truth that a while back, while bored during the pandemic, I created a whole TikTok skit demonstrating how I’d rather paint my house with nail polish than propose marriage to a man. Check it out below . . .
Needless to say, I would not be taking the lead to pull plans together for this date.
However, I was also confused about why Hairline hadn’t mentioned our plans. Had he forgotten? Would he be flaking? Accustomed to men disappointing me, I entertained all of the negative possibilities. I didn’t want to get ahead of him by making plans for us and assuming he would be on board. I also knew that Latin Dance Factory would be hosting their monthly salsa on a boat party the same day. If I wouldn’t be spending time with Mr. Hairline, I wanted to make other plans. Salsa waits for no man!
I had a decision to make. Should I text him and ask about our plans or should I just wait and see what he would do?
So many of the games people play in dating involve pride and lack of vulnerability. We don’t want to tell people we like them because they may think we’re thirsty and hooked. But guess what? They’ve only got us hooked if we take the bait. It is possible to like someone, tell them about it, and still not fall for games. When your feet are planted firmly on the ground and your eyes wide open, applying logic and wisdom, it’s much harder to be played!
In this case, I decided to choose clarity over confusion. I put my pride aside to let him know I had been wondering about our date. I also figured it made sense to give him the benefit of the doubt and not assume the worst. He’d been texting me the day before, so perhaps there was some legitimate reason why we had not discussed what we would be doing.
Hairline had also told me previously not to try to figure him out and if I was confused, just ask for clarity. So, I held him to that.
At 11:10 pm, I texted him saying, “You told me not to try to figure you out and if I’m ever confused then ask…“
He replied, “Ask away!”
“What’s the reason you didn’t follow up about tomorrow?” 👀
“I didn’t follow up, yet!” he replied.
He went on to explain that he had penciled me in for the day and didn’t have a plan but knew we were hanging out.
This was the same man who told me on our first date that he is now approaching dating from a place of intention. . .
I was annoyed because I prefer intentionality, thoughtfulness, and enthusiasm versus wondering up until the last minute what is happening on my dates. Communication and intention go far in my book. But hey, no one is perfect. . . right?
Looking back, I realize some of my uncertainty about the date may be informed by my own negative experiences. Perhaps if I had not had any experiences with men disappointing me in the past, I would have simply assumed that everything was confirmed and he would let me know the details at some point. What can I say — I’ve been traumatized.
I remained open and chalked everything up to me being a planner and him being – well – not a planner. 🤷🏾♀️
Brunch and Mimosas
Hairline and I agreed to meet for brunch at Trez Bistro & Wine Bar. It was a favorite spot of his and I was curious about the one-of-a-kind lavender mimosas and other cutesy drinks spotted all over their Instagram page.
Hairline is a well-connected man. As we sat for brunch, he greeted the servers and restaurant staff by name. He told me that I was pretty and that he had decided to dress up a bit for me. Wearing a yellow button-down with gray, slim-fit Bermuda dress shorts and Louis Vuitton loafers, he looked handsome as ever. His beard was sparkling and the hairline was sharper than a knife (with no spray filler, might I add). I thought to myself “Everything is so much easier when they look like that”.
At one point in the conversation, we were discussing how it can sometimes be difficult for a man to read a woman’s cues regarding her physical boundaries and desires. Always a gentleman, Hairline stated that he typically waits for the lady to give him some form of a green light.
I once heard dating coach, Anwar White of Get Your Guy Coaching, state that because they are trying to be respectful, sometimes you have to let the good guys know that it’s okay to touch you. I wanted to be touched. So turning up my charm, I reached over, caressed his face, leaned towards him, and said “It’s ok. You have my permission.”
If it were possible for a Black man to turn red, Hairline would have been blushing. He smiled and looked away saying, “You’re making me nervous now.”
I learned about the power of quiet sensuality at that moment.
A Rooftop Stroll
Following brunch at Trez, Hairline asked if I had been to Puttery Houston. Remember, that location had been date #3 with Malcolm X. I told him I had already been and preferred to do something different. Even though I was less than two months into living in Houston, I was amused by the fact that I was already challenging him with the task of finding something I hadn’t done yet.
We decided to visit the rooftop skylawn of POST Houston. The building was once a USPS headquarters and has now been converted into a beautiful entertainment space that has several Instagram-worthy photo ops. I like to describe POST as a mall– but for food. However, it’s much more than that. You’ll find a coworking space, musical performances, art exhibits, and all other matters of culture, fun, and entertainment.
Hairline and I strolled along the rooftop skylawn, slurping shaved ice treats and chatting away. Inspired by the beautiful views, I put on my photographer hat and made my date my muse for an impromptu photo shoot. I wish I could share the photos with y’all; we looked adorable together.
On the rooftop that afternoon, I allowed myself to step out of my head for a while. No fact-finding questions — just enjoying the moment. It felt nice to take in his presence while enjoying a beautiful day and overlooking the Houston landscape.
The Dirty South
As it was still early and we had been enjoying ourselves, we decided to extend our date to a third location, Chapman and Kirby. I had no idea, but I was about to get my first real taste of Black Houston.
Chapman and Kirby is located in East Downtown. Apparently, on a Sunday afternoon, it’s the place to be if you’re young(ish), fly, and Black. As Hairline and I looked for parking, I noticed old-school Cadillacs with flashy paint jobs and Buicks sitting up three feet off the ground.
I was introduced to “swangas”, also known as “elbows”. Imagine a chrome wheel rim on a car. Now imagine that rim, with lots of spokes, extending a foot or more out of the wheel. It was like the old Hollywood Charlton Heston movie, Ben Hur, where the chariot wheels had spikes that took out opponents during the gruesome chariot races. How these things are legal is beyond me.
For the first time, I felt like I was in the Dirty South — and I loved every minute of it!
As we strolled through the venue, taking in the sights, Hairline led me to the first bar area where he purchased our drinks. We then moved to the outside lounge area. Chapman and Kirby on a Sunday afternoon is a cultural experience. It’s basically an indoor/outdoor day party and fashion show for Black folks. We all need to experience its pageantry at least once in life.
After finding our own little nook outside, Hairline and I two-stepped to the DJ’s playlist. I’ll admit, it’s taken me some time to become comfortable in my own body on any dance floor. I attribute most of my progress to Latin dancing; however, for any other genre of music, I can still be quite reserved. You will NEVER catch me twerkin’ unapologetically or dancing on a bar. It’s just not how I’m wired. So, in my typical reserved manner, I rubbed up against him, ever so slightly, while dancing to the music. He joked “Alright now…” alluding that I better not open Pandora’s box if I wasn’t ready to experience its magic. So I backed off of him. What dorks we both were… 🥴
Hairline ran into a few people he knew. We said “hello” and made small talk. Low and behold, guess who I saw out of the corner of my eye? The Beard! What was up with these two men being in the same space? I’d just had my “we’re not a fit” conversation with him the day before and was not prepared to see him again so soon — while out with someone else at that! 😬 I quickly shifted my body, wondering if he’d seen me. If he did, surely he would have seen Hairline standing so close. AWKWARD! I had never considered what would happen if I ran into one date while out with another. Luckily, I didn’t have to find out that day. The Beard didn’t seem to notice me.
Strangely enough, amid the shy-type dancing, introductions, and people-watching, Hairline and I managed to have a few important conversations. While discussing that he wanted children (while I’m on the fence), I pointed out that at thirty-eight years young, I’m no spring chicken. I wanted to be sure that he considered the implications of dating me, knowing he wanted children. I explained that some men (like my last ex) want to date for years before marriage and children, and if he wanted children, that probably wouldn’t work well with me. He didn’t seem alarmed by the discussion but instead stated that if we were to agree to a committed relationship, growth and progression would be the goal from the beginning. He didn’t foresee years of dating.
While exiting the venue, in my typical curious and borderline invasive manner, I asked him “Would you date you?” His response was a bit confusing.
“I would if I’m serious.”
He went on to explain that while he wants to be more intentional now and desires marriage, during the past few years he’s had a history of situationships. The women he dated would assume exclusivity without it ever being discussed. Once a conversation was had, these women would end up disappointed as he had no intentions of a real commitment.
This was Hairline’s first yellow flag.
We all have a past and I appreciated Hairline’s transparency. People grow and learn. Different partners bring out different things. It’s possible his behavior could be completely different with me than what it had been in the past. However, I would need to be mindful. A history of situationships could indicate non-commitment. But I didn’t let this scare me off. In the words of Black mamas and aunties everywhere, “A man will only do what you allow.” The only way Hairline could get me into a situationship, was if I allowed myself to be in one. I trusted myself enough to spot the signs if they emerged.
As we wrapped up date #7 in Houston, Hairline drove me back to my car still parked at Trez. I knew he liked opening doors and other chivalrous acts, so I waited for him while he walked around his car to open my door. He took my hand and helped me out while I played the role of the helpless damsel – it’s a lovely role to play, I must admit. We then walked over to my car a few feet away and turned to hug one another. Still embracing him, I leaned back just a bit to look him in the eyes. Hairline took the cues and leaned in to kiss me with two quick pecks. Nothing crazy or over the top with passion, but enough to spark a little fire.
I think I like this guy…
A Turning Point
During the days following my 3-part date with Hairline, I enjoyed the excitement of the new attraction. From time to time, I would peek at our photos from the rooftop of POST. When I shared the pictures with Loriel, she caught me smiling as I gazed at the phone. That was all she needed to start carrying on about how I needed to start taking folic acid vitamins to prepare myself because I would be pregnant by next year. *exasperated sigh*
However, after date #7, I noticed a pattern was beginning to form with Mr. Hairline – and it wasn’t a good one. 😬 I hate to do this to you, but we’re going to have to stop here! Be sure you’re subscribed and check back soon to find out what took the wind from my sails! As always, feel free to tap the “buy me a coffee” button so I can invest in this project and bring you even better content!
Until Next Time,
Be Blessed!
Kaity
P.S. Did you know that I wrote a journal? The Confidence Project Journal was created for self-reflective women who love journaling and luxury experiences. The luxury VIP package includes 52 journal prompts, a signature gold pen, a gold metal bookmark, a confidence playlist, and souvenir packaging. Click here to purchase your copy!
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