Welcome back to 100 Dates in Houston, a dating blog series chronicling my journey as a thirty-something woman on a quest to go on100 dates in Houston, Texas to find the love of my life. In this post, I share my process of prioritizing time to nurture my love life, as well as my review of a popular dating app. If you’re new here, start with my intro post, explaining the details of this challenge! Enjoy!

Over a month has passed since date #22 with Mr. Black Power and I’ve been insanely busy.  Between closing on my house, packing, moving, and wrapping my mind around home ownership, there’s been little time to focus on dating.  

However, I have a goal. Back in January, I strategized to aim for sixteen first dates in 2024 – twice the number of 2023.  That’s an average of one to two first dates every month.  By the end of April, I’d only been on three first dates in total and was behind on my goal. 

Though I’d been preoccupied with the never-ending task that is homeownership, I would have to make time—because my love life is a priority. 

Where did the Time Go?

You see, back in 2020, one of my coaches – yep, the $4000 one— dedicated a portion of her curriculum to teaching us how to intentionally manage our time and prioritize dating.  She would share how women, especially those who are ambitious, often prioritize career advancement and financial security over their love lives.  Fast forward years later, many of these women find themselves single, childless, and wondering how time has escaped them in accomplishing their personal goals. 

While that was not the reason for my delay on the road to marriage, these cautionary tales are never far from my mind.  They remind me that, contrary to the messages emblazoned into the minds of Black girls from childhood onward, it’s ok to prioritize love.  

In fact, I’ll quote a line from one of my favorite books of all time, “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. 

“To lose balance for love sometimes is part of living a balanced life.” 

My attention had been diverted to other goals for long enough. I would get my head back in the dating game.  

The Wildcard 

Rather than returning to Hinge, where I had been swiping for the past few months, I decided to shake things up a bit and try an app with a completely different vibe — and reputation. 😬

I’d tried Bumble, Match, Coffee Meets Bagel and E Harmony.  This time, for kicks and giggles, why not give Tinder a shot?

I knew Tinder would be a bit of a wildcard.  It’s known by many singles as the app for those who are only looking for hookups and big fun.  But what if they’re wrong?  

Surely with over ten million subscribers at any given time – more than any other dating app – there must be a reasonable number of male users who are looking for lasting love. 

And I have evidence to support my theory.  Last year, a new friend of mine said “yes” to her now fiancé who proposed to her while on an international birthday trip.  His exact words were “Will you allow me to serve you for the rest of our lives?”

Dear, God. It’s me again. 🙏🏾

He’s a provider man who treats her like the queen that she is. They met on Tinder.  

There are so many jaded singles who swear dating apps are a complete waste of time.  In reality, they’re no different than sending out resumes, networking, and applying for jobs on LinkedIn.  The process doesn’t work … until it works.

Let’s see if Tinder works. 🤔

The Hook

I downloaded the app and completed my profile.

“Jersey Girl living in Texas 🤠

Lover of country music, R&B, and anything soulful. 🎶

Christ follower. 🙏🏾

And also a fun and adventure seeker. 🤸🏿‍♀️

A writer, so by nature a deep feeler and thinker. ✍🏾

Entering my queen era.  Looking to build with my king. 

FYI, I’m not the best with texting before a connection is established, so I’ll probably want to do a coffee meetup to see if the vibe is right.”   

Confident my bio was descriptive enough to hook the right guy, I got to swiping.  

Sifting through the haystack

I eliminated those who didn’t take the time to write a bio.  I also bypassed most of the men who said they were looking for short-term fun, new friends, or “still figuring it out” – because, at this big age, I don’t desire to figure it out with you.

Tinder gives a bit more qualifying options than other apps, which helps sift through profiles.  I especially appreciated the “relationship type” qualifier.  Ethical nonmonogamy, polyamory, open relationship — who knew there were so many relationship types to consider? I swiped left on men looking for anything other than a monogamous relationship.  

While swiping, I also used the “like” file, which showed me all the men who had already liked my profile and were ready to match.  That file quickly grew to over 1,000 profiles in a matter of days. 😳  

Like looking for a needle in the proverbial haystack, Tinder’s interfacing is wild. There are matching parties, events, and of course that hefty “like” file. I’ve never seen anything like it.  

Although it was ridiculously overwhelming, I committed to checking the app daily and clearing out at least 20 people from my “like” file.  One by one I would match or pass.

As I matched with men, at least a quarter never replied to my messages. Others would fall off after one or two exchanges.  Then there were those for whom I needed a set of pliers.  As my mother would say, talking to them felt like pulling teeth.  

However, after a week or so of sifting, I matched with a man and the conversation flowed much easier – despite his mother tongue being different from my own.  

“Piacere!”

I sent him the Italian greeting for “a pleasure to meet you”. Those four weeks of Italian classes back in 2022 would pay off one way or another. 🙃

“Hi, Kaity. Piacere, mío. Don’t tell me you speak Italian!”

That’s how I met The Italian. 

The Italian 

My match and I chatted for the next few days about Italy, Houston, and world travel. He was a recent transplant, adjusting to life in our city. Honesty, that fact alone earned him some respect in my book. Being a foreigner in an unfamiliar land is not for the weak. Being a foreigner in Texas is a whole ‘notha level! 

We eventually agreed to meet for coffee on a Saturday morning. Despite my efforts, I was unable to line up a second Tinder match that day, so he would be my only coffee date for the morning.

Date #23

I suggested that we meet at Simply Coffie, a specialty coffee house in The Heights. All of their international coffees are accompanied by a sweet truffle, and some are even served up with unique presentations. However, the downside to Simply Coffie is that they provide no sugar in the entire shop and serve their coffee black😵‍💫.  This was no Starbucks. 

I pulled up to the shop running ten minutes behind and grateful that my date had been gracious in telling me to take my time after I notified him of my lateness. He had also offered me his parking spot in case I needed it when I arrived. As I’ve mentioned before, this is such a small gesture, but demonstrates the thoughtfulness and care that I so appreciate in a man.

As I walked to the entrance of the shop, I noticed a slim brunette man in Gucci shades sitting near the entrance. He rose to his feet and greeted me with a hug.

“Oh you are tall.” I flirted.

His profile had mentioned that he was over 6 feet. It’s never been a requirement for me. I once dated a man who was 5’5.  5’6 with Timbs on. But I must say, it was nice to stand next to a tall man.

His hairline was also fully in tact. 🙃

The Italian and I easily connected as I shared about the two months I had spent during my nomad journey eating gelato and twirling pasta in Milan. I liked that he valued travel, adventure, and culture. The quintessential Italian passion emerged as he talked with his hands and leaned into our conversation. I found him easy to talk to and quirkily funny.

Although coffee dates (in my mind) are supposed to be no longer than thirty minutes, I spent two hours chatting with The Italian that day. Conversation would not be a problem. 😊

As we wrapped up, my date walked me to my car and hugged me goodbye. He asked if he had passed the coffee date test. 

And he had! We made plans to set up a second date. This wouldn’t be my first date cross-cultural date, nor would it my first inter-racial date. However, it would be my first cross-cultural and inter-racial date. Let’s see how it goes!

Have you ever dated cross-culturally or inter-racially? What was your experience? I want to hear from you in the comments! Check back soon to find out about what happens on my second date with the Italian. It’s a fun one. As always, if you’re enjoying this content, feel free to tap the “Buy me a coffee” to further support this project.